Setting Boundaries for Your Emotions & Relationships with Dr. Alison Cook

“We are often conditioned to please other people, to perform for other people, to produce for other people, as opposed to showing up as we really are.”

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Inside the Episode

Let’s talk about emotional boundaries! Have you ever had a recurring negative message you tell yourself? Or have you ever internalized a message someone else said about you? Emotional boundaries help us set up a checkpoint in our minds and relationships that stops a statement or thought in its tracks before letting it pass. If a statement is untrue or goes against our values, a good boundary helps us challenge that thought or statement. To help us explore this topic, Neal is joined by Dr. Alison Cook, the person who literally wrote the book (two actually!) on boundaries.

Guest Bio

Dr. Alison Cook is a psychologist and the author of two books, including her new book, “The Best of You” (Thomas Nelson 2022) and “Boundaries for Your Soul” (Thomas Nelson, 2018). For 20 years, Alison has helped women, ministry leaders, couples, and families learn how to heal painful emotions, develop confidence from the inside out, forge healthy relationships, and fully live out their God-given potential. Dr. Cook is certified in Internal Family Systems Therapy and specializes in bringing faith and psychology together to create real change in people’s lives. Dr. Cook lives in Boston with her husband, Joe, but they love traveling to the mountains of Wyoming.

Key Takeaways

  • “The biggest and deepest joy I’ve found is the freedom of not being afraid of my thoughts and feelings.”
  • An internal boundary helps us ask whether a thought or belief we have is true, allowing us to sort through our emotions and thoughts in a healthy way.
  • “Good internal boundaries empower you to live from the essential you, your soul in its purest and holiest state.”
  • External boundaries are a way of taking what we have learned internally into the world.
  • When we have done the healing work of setting our internal boundaries, the next step is to take that into our external relationships. You can have the courage to show up as the person you are becoming internally with other people.
  • It is possible to be at peace with yourself.

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