Attachment Styles: How to Build Secure Relationships

The unhealthy attachment styles are overdeveloped because they have worked for us in the past.

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Inside the Episode

Relationships can be tricky. Some of us seem to navigate them with ease, while others of us constantly struggle. And many times, some of us find ourselves falling into the same relationship patterns over and over again. Why is that? What makes relationships seem so difficult sometimes? Well, it has everything to do with your attachment style. With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, we wanted to share this episode on discovering your attachment style and how that impacts your romantic relationships.

Key Takeaways

  • Attachment Theory proposes four ways we form attachments and bonds with others. This includes everything from romantic relationships to the earliest bond between a parent and child.
    • Someone with an Anxious attachment style tends to worry about their partner’s ability to love them back and feel like they have to earn love.
    • Someone with an Avoidant attachment style tends to equate intimacy with a loss of independence, and they try to minimize closeness.
    • Someone with a Disorganised attachment style tends to avoid intimate relationships and has a difficult time controlling their emotions. This is a combination of Avoidant and Anxious attachment styles.
    • Someone with a Secure attachment style tends to feel comfortable with intimacy and is very warm and nurturing in their interactions.
  • How did we learn either constantly reaching for assurance or never getting too close kept us safe and secure in relationships?
  • Those with an Avoidant attachment style use deactivating strategies. This could be feeling the need to escape a relationship, struggling to express your emotions, and idealizing ex-partners.
  • It is possible to be nurtured back to a more secure attachment style. You can do this by encouraging yourself or having a partner that has a Secure attachment style help you.
  • When you have a Secure attachment style, you can balance your needs with the needs of others.

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