Is Your Shame Too Much?

“As we start to address toxic shame in our lives, then we can actually trade that emotion for more life-giving joy.”

Air Date

November 14, 2022

Listen + Subscribe

Have you ever felt like you are not enough? We talk a lot about trading guilt, shame, and fear for joy when it comes to positive change in our lives. And today, we’re going to focus on what we think is the most intense of these emotions—shame. In our book, Start From Joy, we dive deep into this topic, and in this episode, we’ll cover how to know if you have a toxic relationship with shame, five signs that your shame is too much, and whether you can have a healthy relationship with shame.

Key Takeaways

“Shame is any feeling that says we are not enough or we are not measuring up.”
Guilt says, “I’ve done something wrong,” whereas shame says, “I am bad.”
If your shame is too much, it will be hard to have deep relationships out of fear that they will see your flaws.
Being too defensive or too receptive to feedback shows that your shame is too much. When we are too defensive, we fight against any claim that remotely says we’ve done something wrong. While being too receptive may mean that your shame drives you to heap on the weight of self-condemnation.
A healthy relationship with shame leads to humility, connection, and forgiveness. It affirms a person’s value while leaving the door open for improvement.